the particular Narcissist’s Confabulated Life
Confabulations are an important part of existence. They serve to heal psychological wounds or to prevent types from being inflicted in the first place. They prop-up the confabulator’s self-esteem, regulate his (or her) sense of self-worth, and buttress his (or her) self-image. They serve as organizing principles in interpersonal interactions.
Father’s wartime gallantry, mother’s youthful good looks, a person’s oft-recounted exploits, erstwhile supposed brilliance, and past proposed sexual irresistibility – are usually typical examples of white, fluffy, heart-warming lies wrapped around a shriveled kernel of reality.
But the distinction between fact and fantasy is hardly ever completely lost. Deep inside, the particular healthy confabulator knows exactly where facts end and wishful thinking takes over. Father appreciates he was no war leading man, though he did their share of fighting. mom understands she was no ravishing beauty, though she may have been attractive. The confabulator understands that his recounted intrusions are overblown, his splendour exaggerated, and his sexual irresistibility a myth.
Such variations never rise to the surface area because everyone – the particular confabulator and his audience as well – have a common attention to maintain the confabulation. in order to challenge the integrity of the confabulator or the veracity associated with his confabulations is to jeopardize the very fabric of family and society. Human intercourse is built around such entertaining deviations from the truth.
This is where the particular narcissist differs from other people (from “normal” people).
their very self is a piece of fiction concocted to fend off hurt and to nurture the particular narcissist’s grandiosity. He does not work out in his “reality test” — the ability to distinguish the actual from the imagined. The narcissist fervently believes in his own infallibility, splendour, omnipotence, heroism, and excellence. He doesn’t dare deal with the truth and admit it actually to himself.
Moreover, this individual imposes his personal mythology on his nearest and dearest. partner, children, colleagues, friends, neighbours – sometimes even perfect other people – must abide by the particular narcissist’s narrative or encounter his wrath. The narcissist countenances no disagreement, option points of view, or critique. To him, confabulation will be reality.
The coherence of the narcissist’s dysfunctional and precariously-balanced personality depends on the plausibility associated with his stories and on their own acceptance by his Sources of Narcissistic Supply. The narcissist invests an inordinate time in substantiating his tales, gathering “evidence”, defending his edition of events, and in re-interpreting reality to fit his situation. As a result, most narcissists are usually self-delusional, obstinate, opinionated, plus argumentative.
The narcissist’s is situated are not goal-orientated. This is what can make his constant dishonesty each disconcerting and incomprehensible. the particular narcissist lies at the fall of a hat, needlessly, and almost ceaselessly. He lies in order to avoid the Grandiosity Gap — when the abyss between truth and (narcissistic) fiction gets too gaping to disregard.
The narcissist lies in order to preserve appearances, uphold dreams, support the tall (and impossible) tales of their False Self and draw out Narcissistic Supply from unsuspicious sources, who are not yet on to him. To the narcissist, confabulation is not merely a way of life — but life itself.
We are all conditioned to let other indulge in pet delusions and get aside with white, not as well egregious, lies. The narcissist makes use of our socialization. all of us dare not confront or even expose him, despite the outlandishness of his claims, the particular improbability of his tales, the implausibility of their alleged accomplishments and conquests. We simply turn the other cheek, or meekly avoid our eyes, often ashamed.
Moreover, the narcissist can make clear, from the very beginning, that it is his way or the freeway. His aggression – actually violent streak – are usually close to the surface. He may become charming in a first experience – but even after that there are telltale signs of pent-up abuse. His interlocutors feeling this impending threat and avoid conflict by acquiescing with the narcissist’s fairy tales. therefore he imposes his personal universe and virtual reality on his milieu – sometimes along with disastrous consequences.